How To Know What Determines Good Parenting For Your Child

Children are living mirrors. They reflect their parents and the quality of their relationships with them. Knowing what determines good parenting, therefore, largely starts with you, the parent.

It may seem counter-intuitive, but by focusing on knowing, developing and modifying yourself, you will parent and connect with your child more authentically.

Your primary goal as a parent is to help your child develop into a kind, ethical, capable, self-confident, happy, hopeful human being.

Connecting deeply with your child in a selfless effort to prepare for his or her eventual departure requires mastery of self more than mastery of “techniques.”

No parent escapes the immersion into his or her own reawakened self-evaluation at every stage of child-rearing. There is nothing like watching your own child “growing up” to trigger all that has been left unresolved from your own childhood.

A big part of knowing what determines good parenting for your child is knowing how to be a good parent to yourself.

Boldly facing any unresolved issues and/or self-criticism will clear the way for you to be genuinely, compassionately, attentively present to your child. It will also allow your child to develop a self-image that is independent of your projected self-image.Your child will respect you because he or she will know that you’re being “real” with them.

In the following examples of what determines good parenting, a common thread of truth weaves through and connects them all:

Children do as their parents do, not as they say.

Here are some important attributes of good parenting:

• Nurture a strong marriage.
  

  Not only does a good marriage produce better parents, it lays the foundation for their children’s future relationships. Children learn what they live, and the home is their immersion study in the language of relationships.

• Establish rules and set limits.
  

  Despite their maddening resistance and pushing of boundaries, children crave and need limits. If you as the parent don’t provide them, they will find or create them somewhere else.

• Practice consistent communication and discipline.

  Making rules is one thing. Enforcing them is another. You will confuse your children if you waver on established non-negotiables, even if  they plead to the contrary and test your resolve.

• Shower abundant love.
  

  There’s a big difference between showing love and giving things to take the place of love. Kids instinctively know the difference. Being a steady, reliable presence in your child’s life may seem thankless on a day-to-day basis, but it is the greatest way to show your children you love them. .

• Time for fun.
  

  Play time is an education in itself. Children learn everything from imagination to athletic skills to conflict resolution while in the context of play. And by engaging in childlike fun with your child, you treat yourself to all the stress-reducing benefits of play. A win for everyone!

• Mutual respect.

   

  Treat your child with the kind of respect you want to be. This is especially important when responding to your child’s feelings and experiences. It will increase mutual respect within the family, and they’ll demonstrate it with their peers.

• Fostering independence.

  Setting limits helps your child develop self-control. Encouraging independence helps develop self-direction. If you set limits and don’t allow for age-appropriate independence, your child has no way to learn their own limits and boundaries through small everyday mistakes.

  Allow your children to make mistakes, but help them live the consequences of them.  When the time comes for your child to cut the apron strings, you will have the confidence that your “baby” is going to be just fine.

So what determines good parenting the most? Your children!

Remember: Your children are always watching. And they want you to succeed. Because they love you. 

As a parent, it is natural and healthy to ask what determines good parenting for your child. It’s also normal to doubt yourself. You could fill a bookcase with sound advice, and you might still question your parenting skills.

But just as most parents learn to simplify by the time the second child comes along, “good parenting” can be simplified, as well:

Remember that you are a role model…and be the best one you can be. Base your authority on wisdom, not power. And love. Abundantly, fearlessly, consistently…love.

For more information on parenting, see other articles in my blog or see how I coach families on this page. You’re also welcome to contact me. You’ll find a form under the “contact” form on my site.