The 5 Effective Communication Skills You Need Most

I usually talk about the C’s of communication when I’m teaching or giving a presentation because they are foundational to building relationships and establishing good rapport. I find there to be 5 effective communication skills you need most, though many other communication skills are great to possess and use.

One of the main difficulties in communicating well is the presence of “noise.” While noise can be audible (loud music in the background, other conversations going on around you, traffic zooming by), it’s often internal. Noise is anything that disrupts effective communication: a mind that wanders, language barriers, strong emotions, or misconstruing what’s being said. To help reduce noise and enhance interpersonal connections, here are the 5 most effective communication skills you need to understand and use:

Effective Communication Skill #1: Clarity

Much of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and confusion could be avoided by speaking with clarity. Be clear with the point you want to get across. Ask yourself–

Who is my audience? (A child, spouse, room-mate, co-worker, boss, etc.)

What is my purpose? (Finding a solution, asking for feedback, giving instructions, expressing an opinion, sharing information or ideas.)

Is the timing right? (What is the other person’s mood? Is the person in the middle of something or running late?)

Once you are clear about the audience, purpose, and timing, tailor your message accordingly. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be genuine. No one likes feeling manipulated or on the defense. Don’t beat around the bush, but be as concise as possible. Furthermore, ask for feedback to see if the other person understood you correctly.

Effective Communication Skill #2: Consistency

Consistency in communication means having all aspects of your message in harmony. If your words are kind but your tone is angry, or you’re nodding in agreement but standing with your arms folded and body rigid, you are not being consistent. I wrote a novel about two lovers of different cultures who kept passing in the night. My working title was Incongruent. That’s because what they said to each other and what they meant happened to be two different things. Communication that can’t be understood by everyone in the conversation (or relationship) isn’t congruent. Your facial expression, body language, tone of voice, and words should all be congruent (in agreement, harmony). If not, you’re sending a conflicting message and causing confusion in the recipient. 

At times a situation is serious and you might have legitimate reasons to be upset. For example, let’s imagine your teenage son takes the family car without permission and comes home at 3:00 AM. This is the time to be consistent and calm, yet many parents decide to use sarcasm or explode in anger. Sarcasm is a good example of inconsistency:

“Great, this is great! I’m just SO happy you decided to come home.”

“I just LOVE going out to the driveway to take your sister to her dance lesson and find the car is missing.”

Instead, be clear about stating the facts, what your expectations are, and what the consequences will be, and stay consistent with your total message. Easier said than done, perhaps, but something to strive for, especially if you notice that person is triggering you. 

Effective Communication Skill #3: Connection

Imagine a bridge with lanes that enable traffic to cross a body of water to get from one side to the other. Communication is the bridge that allows for a free-flowing exchange of ideas. The body of water can represent “noise,” emotional distress, different perspectives, and other barriers to understanding one another.

Last week, my family and I crossed a partially flooded bridge. Only one lane could go across at a time. That meant some drivers had to patiently wait while the other drivers crossed, It worked well, but it might not have if even one person hadn’t cooperated. If only one driver had not wanted to wait, it would’ve caused a disastrous accident. Imagine that flood of water as your emotions or other noise. If people can realize what they’re feeling, have patience with themselves, and connect with other people in a genuine conversation, especially if it’s an emotional one, communication will succeed.

How can you facilitate making a connection with another person? Through dialogue and active listening. Dialogue means a back-and-forth conversation—written or spoken—between two or more people. It’s a balanced one at a time, give and take, listening and speaking (just like meeting at that bridge), not rambling on about yourself with no interest in what the other person might have to say. If you want to truly connect with someone, conversation has to be a two-way street.

Effective Communication Skill #4: Creativity

Sometimes you have to be creative to get your message across. Teachers, public speakers, artists, and writers all understand the importance (and necessity) of using creative techniques to convey their messages. But it goes further than that. Doctors, lawyers, lovers, and parents often draw on their creativity to express themselves in a way that connects with their listeners.

If you can’t seem get your message across, try a little creativity! How can you say something differently? How can you change your tone and inflection? What images and metaphors can you use that the listener can relate to? I know a great teacher and healer who can communicate every single thing she teaches with the tools on her desk. She once used pencils to illustrate a message. It worked. Communication doesn’t need to be complex; it needs to be clear, and creative expression takes many different ways and styles into account…until the listener’s light bulb goes off in comprehension! 

Effective Communication Skill #5: Confidence

Developing effective communication skills is like body-building; it takes practice. Just as you have to exercise and do some heavy-lifting to build strong muscle tissue, so must you engage regularly with others to gain the experience needed to effectively communicate. Go easy on yourself. If you’re not used to asking questions or watching your body language, it might seem awkward at first. You might stumble over your words. Your mind might draw a blank. It’s okay! We all make mistakes when learning new things.

You can’t make yourself feel confident, but you can act confidently by making eye contact with the person you’re talking to, relaxing tense muscles, and speaking in a confident tone instead of a timid one. The more confidently you act, the more confident you’ll feel!

As you use the many communication tools in your arsenal, the more effective you’ll be. And with enough time and practice, the ability to communicate well and connect with others will become second nature to you.

If you’d like a little practice using these 5 C’s in your communication, as well as many other communication skills, you can contact me here for a brief complimentary session.