7 Strategies To Develop Effective Communication Skills
Learning how to develop effective communication skills is not as hard as it may seem. Below are 7 strategies I often use with clients to set them on the right track. To begin, most people think communicating is all about talking, speaking words. It’s not. Communication is the art of speaking AND listening.
Many people think if they want to get a point across, that you need to talk and talk until you’ve exhausted all of the words you need to say and hope the other person heard you. That’s not how it works. If you want to be a stellar communicator, it all begins with listening.
Here are my top secret tips for you to learn how to develop effective communication skills so that you get your point across and feel heard in the end.
1. Develop Stellar Listening Skills.
“How do I get my point across if I don’t talk?” a client objects.
“No one ever listens to me!” a mother laments.
Women are especially prone to these exclamations–and rightly so. We’ve just come out of the “be seen and not heard” age. Yet that age gave us the clever subtle skill of listening to persuade. We might as well use it.
Yes, the best strategies for effective communication have to do with listening, not speaking. If you want to get your point across, you must adopt a communication style that melds with the party you’re trying to persuade. The way to do that is to figure out their style, and the way to do that is to listen.
2. Lend An Ear.
Want to win an argument or get something you’d like? Then be silent for more moments than you’re talking over the person you’re negotiating with. Trying to get your point across can lead to stress on both sides of a conversation, and that doesn’t solve anything.
3. Repeat.
One way to make sure you’re listening is to repeat back (in your own words) what someone is trying to tell you. If you hear “you just don’t understand” from your child, you just may not. Sometimes the way someone expresses something gets lost in translation when it hits our ears. If we say a comment or question back to the other person with an “Is that what you meant?” or “Have I understood you?” we’ll have better communication. And peace will reign.
4. Ask Questions.
Another amazingly effective communication skill: If you want to be the life of a party, start asking people about themselves. People love that you’re interested, and that makes them more interested in you. Ever had a boring person follow you around all night? Did he offer your a cocktail? Did he ask one question about you? But I’ll wager you know every prestigious award he ever won and every country he’s lived in. And you were able to memorize it because he told you all about it several times in an hour.
Don’t be that guy. Ask, don’t tell. Ask your boss what you can do, not what raises they’ll give you. Ask your child how you can help instead of complaining about your day.
5. Observe The Other’s Mannerisms.
Another great communication tip: A person communicates with his or her entire body. We watch each other’s expressions and gestures much more closely than we listen to what we’re saying. It’s built-in animal instinct. Humans are hard-wired to read (and mimic) other people because we have mirror neurons. We had images long before we could speak. We communicate with our parents with expressions. So a way to figure out what someone means is to watch how they move. How do they move their mouth? Is it pursed or in a wide grin? How are they standing? Are their arms crossed? Notice that when they open their mouths in fear, for example, we instinctively follow suit. Watch what they’re doing, not just saying, and see how they open up. Then listen to them, and you’ve won a friend.
6. Notice If You’re Tuning Out.
I was listening to an important recording yesterday, and before you know it, I was daydreaming. The speaker was vibrant, the subject profound. I learned a lot from it about my work. Yet I was thinking about what I was going to cook for dinner instead of hanging on every word. This can happen with any communication, and the more significant, the more we tune out sometimes. The average human tunes out after five minutes. (That’s down from 12!) It can be a form of self-protection in case we’re hearing something we don’t want to, or it can be simple daydreaming, or it can mean we need a nap or time off. Watch how often you tune out. Then work on ways to tune in.
7. Be Kind But Aware.
The only way to say this is: Don’t be naive. Don’t accept everything at face value. We tend to do just that if we’re the ones constantly blabbing. If someone is trying to pull the wool over your eyes, listen in. Observe. And only then, speak.
The next time you’re in a conversation, pause to hear the other person’s perspective. This simple twist in your behavior will not only engage the other person but will enrich your communication skills for the better.
Remember, communication is a relationship. If you want to be heard, let the other person be heard too and you may just get what you were looking for. You can read more about how to develop effective communication skills in my blog on how to become an effective communicator.
If you’ve been criticized for having poor communication skills in the past and would like to discuss how to loosen up when you speak, how to negotiate to get your point across in meetings, or just how to deal with your kids or partner, feel free to contact me for a brief complimentary get-to-know-each-other session, and I’ll share a few more tips with you.