Perfectionism just causes stress. Time to let it go!
We all know her. The mom who needs every detail of her kids‘ existence to epitomize perfection. Whether it’s receiving top grades in school, getting the fastest time on the track or cleaning the dishes correctly (AKA her way), she’s meticulous about everything being just right.
But stressed out moms are stressing their kids out, too.
We forget that kids have the same pressures outside the house from teachers, coaches, friends and — unfortunately — bullies. They’re striving to succeed, and sometimes, like we all do, they will fail. It’s only natural. But the extra pressure from Mom makes it THAT much more difficult.
Do you think you’re stressing your kids out?
YourTango Experts SVP and Host Melanie Gorman, life coach Kathryn Brown Ramsperger, life coach and radio host Joan Jerkovich, counselor and therapist Dr. Pat Love and relationship coach Barbara Ann Williams share the same message: RELAX!
In the video above, they discuss why pushing your kids to be perfect negatively affects their growth (as well as their relationship with you).
Here are two ways they say you can stop stressing and build a stronger, more loving relationship with your kids:
1. Be Their Loudest Cheerleader (NOT Their Drill Sergeant)
Be there to offer your kids support, help if they need it and an understanding ear ready to hear about their exciting and difficult times. Even if they do fail, focus on the positive aspects of their attempts instead of offering your judgments or yelling at them for getting it wrong.
This leaves room for your kids to learn from their mistakes, and it lets you focus on creating loving, lasting memories with them that they’ll definitely appreciate when they’re older!
Barbara Ann Williams says that kids remember these memories when they become adults. “I think that when kids grow up, that’s when you can have the better relationships because they were OK in childhood,” she explains. So if you establish a good relationship now, it WILL carry on into adulthood.
2. Practice What You Preach
The best way not to avoid stressing your kids is out is to avoid stressing yourself out. Teach them that failure is an inevitable part of life. If they fail, it’s OK — they can pick themselves up and try again with a better perspective.
Do this for yourself, too, with your goals and endeavors. You’ll see that, eventually, you and your kids will have more successes than failures.
As Kathryn Brown Ramsperger says, “We’re human; we’re meant to be imperfect, not perfect.”
Your kids know you want the best for them, so relax and enjoy being their mom! Scroll up to the video above to hear more expert advice about how to establish a loving, supportive relationship with your kids and prevent stressing over perfection.